stony ways

So, on Instagram on Sunday I mentioned that I woke up with the slip of a poem about grief escaping my brain just as quickly as the previous night's sleep. It took a day for me to find the few words I needed to do a Google search, and here are the first two lines. It's by Margaret Widdemer.

“Pain has been and grief enough and bitterness and crying,
Sharp ways and stony ways I think it was she trod..."

In my mind, I had worked out a funny post about Neel with a great story to tell you guys today, but the truth is, we're snowed under here. On Saturday, I spent a really lovely afternoon with my friend Artemis learning how to mold fondant (!), and on the drive home I passed what looked to be the tail end of something messy and ugly. I have no idea what happened, but a small child was splayed out on the sidewalk, flat on his back, his mother (I assume) beside him. He was not moving and his head and the ground all around his head was terribly bloody.

This is an urban neighborhood and right away I couldn't find a place to park so I could stop and help. I took a quick trip (no more than 30 seconds) around the block, and by the time I returned, the paramedics were there. I didn't linger, and I have no idea what ended up happening.

As I drove the rest of the way home, I thought, I'm tired of holding my shit together. Sure, it's exams, it's end of year festivities, but it's more too. Some stuff, I can share with you, like the fact that Cal seems to be sick again, and I'm beyond frustrated for him. Other things, one after the other, things that have impacted my family deeply, I am not really at liberty to share.

Sharp ways and stony ways right now.

So I'm taking a few days to get things set straight as much as I can. I'll save the Neel story, and I tell you about this new stock of black and white film I've tried another time. Isn't it fun? Very old school, I think, with all that dreamy grain. Getting film scans in a day early was just the best start to my week. Thanks for always be here for me, my friends. I owe you responses to all your gorgeous comments. I'm here, I'm here. And you always are. XO

field day on film

Okay. I know I said I'd get you to the beach in Clearwater today, but. Life happened. I'm testing a new camera (long story), Field Day rolled around (every year!), and I cheated and used our local Walgreen's for developing. Film photos dropped off and picked up on the same day? A miracle!

If there's one frustration I have with film, okay, I have a few, it's the delay in seeing my photos. And honestly, that delay is usually both a blessing and a curse. Generally I like it. It's part of the slowing down that film makes me do, and all of that slowing down is good. But with things like Field Day, I want to tell the story, and sometimes I want to tell it right away. Before it gets too far away.

So Saturday was Field Day at Cal's school, and as I said on Instagram, it's A Really Big Deal. It's the school's major fundraising event for the year, and generally a real blast for kids and families. How big a deal is it? Well, we had a coastal storm dumping wind and rain and tidal flooding on us all day on Friday (another canceled baseball game), but Saturday? Well Saturday dawned sunny and warm. Even Mother Nature wants to go to Field Day.

A perennial favorite are the lemons with the peppermint sticks, and I finally got my own this year. Cal's pretty under the weather right now, and he was miserable this weekend. What got him out of bed Saturday morning? Those lemons. So tempting to make my own, but I don't think it would be the same.

It was worth it when we got there, because hello, Dunk Tank! We're not old timers to this school and this is only our 6th Field Day. Still, we don't remember a Dunk Tank before. It was a Big Hit. All the baseball kids lined up, and as you can see from the photos, a few prospects too. Apparently Cal dunked his English teacher and his Latin teacher too. He says he hugged his English teacher right after, but I guess his Latin teacher was still on her shift in the tank when he had to leave. There goes the Latin grade.

Cal spent the rest of the weekend coughing and slurping on the sofa, but I still think it was worth it. You can't miss Field Day. And I'll remember my Walgreen's trick this time next year.

All photos were shot on Fuji Superia consumer grade film on a Canon Elan 7E and developed at my local Walgreens. (For the Win!)