song for the day {still + life}

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Oh my friends. How do I find the words to thank you again and again and again? So many of you have reached out to us, through this blog, through Facebook, through Twitter and through private email. As each one of your notes came in, especially on Friday, a warm shaft of light shone directly into my heart. Some of you, though we haven't had much contact in years, have made a special point to check in on us, and that is so, so moving. If I had the wherewithal, I would respond to each of those comments directly, but right now, I just can't. I've said to several of you that I'm a weeper by nature, and I'd be a blubbering mess. So much of this process is as much about teaching Callum how to grieve as it is about my own grieving, and I have to be careful of that.

Right now we're hanging in and our little girl is hanging in. We all, Violet included, have highs and lows, and my hope is to have a full update for you tomorrow. Until then, my heart is full to bursting with gratitude. We can all feel the light and love you're sending us.

In that same vein, I really couldn't manage my regular Monday programming around here today. For many reasons. I thought I'd share with you my picture for the day. When this sign went up at the coal yard down the street, I knew I wanted to take this picture today. It's MLK day here in the US, but it's also Inauguration Day, the day we swear in our president for his second term. Those things seem so much more important than what I did on my very up-and-down weekend. We must be the change. Paraphrased from Gandhi, voiced similarly by MLK and channeled by Barack Obama.

Here's a bit of what he said four years ago:

America:  In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words.  With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come.  Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

No matter who you voted for or what you believe, you can't help but be proud of our country today. It's moments like this that make America so great.

highs and lows, you go first

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Happy Birthday, Neel!

A long time ago, my friend Megan told me that she and her family did "highs and lows" where at the end of the day, they each listed the highs and lows of their day. As with most of my parenting precepts, I promptly stole that idea and pawned it off as my own. For years, each night at bedtime, I would say to Callum, "Highs and lows..." and we'd race each other to say, "You go first!" Sometimes it's hard to pick. You hope you have fewer lows and many highs to choose among. Sometimes it's a fine line that we walk between joy and sorrow. Today is Neel's birthday, and quite honestly I know of no other man deserving of celebration of this one. I'd whisk him off to the most beautiful garden in the world if I could (any suggestions?) and let him wander around for hours. We're cooking out (his choice) and we're opening presents. But grown-up birthdays aren't always jubilant ones.

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We did not get the news we were hoping for about our girl.

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She's with us now, and she's not in pain. Next week we'll take some (non-invasive) steps to keep her with us as long as we can.

We're heartbroken. We're heartbroken.